CHOCOLATE-COVERED COTTON…!

…Hey, it turns out people don’t like it.

Hola, Bloggers, and especially all of you who participated in the Space-Show Meme! I come before you today to admit that I messed this one up HUGE, and therefore before I have to have the island bombed in order to wipe out my mistakes, let me just say that the voting system I presented to you before sounded like gibberish…!

And that here is the real deal, and if I can still catch your attention on this I would like you please to vote.

In the following manner, in the comments:

To decide which three entrants should get first, second, and third pick of the prizes on offer (prizes detailed in a non-halfassed fashion below), everybody who submitted any entry at all, anyone whose name is beside an idea, is entitled to vote for their Top Three Pitches…out of the total pool represented in both this post’s comments, and this post’s comments.  All together, those are the ones you get to pick your Top Three from.  Your first vote is worth three points, your second is worth two points, and your third is worth one point.  You can vote for yourself in second or third spot if you want to, but not first as that would be unseemly, and naturally you can’t vote for yourself twice.

I’ll vote too, once you’re all done…excluding my own “camouflaged” entry.  And unlike the way it went down in the Time-Travel Meme, my vote’ll be just like yours, no extra weighting.

Instead, somebody else will get that extra weighting:  two extra votes (worth one point apiece) to cast into the above-mentioned Prize Round, for whichever entry or entries they please except their own, once everybody including me has voted their Top Three.

And to determine who this person will be, this person with the “swing votes” (if you will), we’ll all take the bunch of people who submitted more than one proposal, and vote another “top three” from just their entries…but of course you can’t pick a pitch for this “top three”, that you already picked for the Top Three.  So whatever pitches are left over from the double-submitters, that you didn’t already vote for…you rank them in a top-three order.  But unlike the Prize Round, in this round — the “Swing” Round — you can’t vote for yourself.

I know, it’s still ridiculously complicated.  But to boil it down, you first vote for the Top Three of what submissions you like the best…then for the “top three” of the extra submissions you like the best.  And you can vote for yourself in the first Three, but you can’t vote for yourself in the second “three”.

Oh God, Yossarian, it’s all going wrong…it’s a total disaster…

Then, the final note:  you email me and guess whose submission was really mine under a false name.  And I will give you a clue:  “I” am one of the people who made more than one pitch.

And the first person to guess right, wins an extra one-point vote to cast in the Prize Round, for anybody including themselves…

…But if nobody guesses right, the person who let me post under their name gets two one-point votes to cast in the Prize Round for anybody except themselves.

But then they get their pick of whatever prizes are left over, just as if they were a fourth winner….

And, damn, it’s not going to work, I know it…

…But if it did work, here’s what it would look like, in the comments below:

“PERSON WHO SUBMITTED ENTRY IN EITHER POST:

Prize Round: out of both posts, my favourite entries are

1Favourite Entry (3 points)

2Second-Favourite Entry (2 points)

3Third-Favourite Entry (1 point)

“Swing” Round:  out of both posts, my favourite additional submissions by an entrant are:

1Favourite Additional Entry (3 points)

2Second-Favourite Additional Entry (2 points)

3Third-Favourite Additional Entry (1 point)

And now pardon me while I email Plok with my guess at who he was pretending to be.”

And then that would be totally fine, guys!

And now:  the Prizes.

(This supersedes the Prize Packs I was talking about in earlier posts, and may seem to be a little bit like old Marvel subscription forms, or possibly like going to an old-style “Chinese-Canadian Cuisine” restaurant…Marvel, j’accuse!  Vous etes un racist!)

First, pick one from:

List 1

Hard Boiled, by Frank Miller and Geoff Darrow;  The Spirit:  Vol. I, by Darwyn Cooke, J. Bone, and Dave Stewart

Eighth Annual Edition Of The Worst From MAD, by the Usual Gang Of Idiots (reprint);  National Lampoon Sunday Newspaper Parody (seq. to 1964 Yearbook), by Various

Beanworld:  Book One and Beanworld:  Book Four, by Larry Marder (Beanworld Press);  Hellboy:  The Wild Hunt #8 of 8, by Mike Mignola and Duncan Fegredo;  Sandman:  The Dream Hunters #3, by Neil Gaiman and P. Craig Russell

The Goon:  Nothin’ But Misery, by Eric Powell;  buncha Panic reissues, by Various

Second, pick two from:

List 2

MAD #137 (Bob and Carol and Ted and Alice parody)

MAD #155 (Godfather parody)

MAD #157 (Planet Of The Apes parody)

MAD #159 (A Clockwork Orange parody)

MAD #160 (“horizontal hold”)

MAD #166 (“finger” issue)

MAD #170 (Exorcist parody)

MAD #215 (Apocalypse Now parody)

[All MADs in this List are originals from ’71 to ’80, bagged and boarded and in what I think is pretty darn good condition; a MAD novelty item or book may be included with selection, slightly slimmer chance a non-MAD novelty item or book may be included with selection but that’s the chance you take]

Third, accept or decline one of the following Mystery Get-Rid-Of-Loads-Of-Crappy-Stuff Packages named after some comics-blogging friends of ours:

The RAB

The Fortress Keeper

The Harvey Jerkwater

The Andrew Hickey

The Sean Witzke (VCR required)

And if those five people so-named can just describe their favourite sandwiches here?  Then who knows what unknown good may come of it in the future.

…Well, I hope to God that was clearer than the last poorly-phrased-referendum-question version, Bloggers…tell me, was it clear?  Did I screw up yet again?

Do I have to call for the air strike, Yossarian?  JUST EAT THE COTTON, DAMN YOU…!  PRETEND IT’S DELICIOUS…!

Sigh, if it wasn’t clear this time, it will once again be my fault…and I’ll probably have to find another way to get rid of this absurdly-accumulating excellent stuff that’s all around me these days.

And everybody has a share, you know?

Uh…say, everybody? Where you gone, man…?

Peace and no harm, Bloggers!

And over and out.

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9 responses to “CHOCOLATE-COVERED COTTON…!

  1. Righto, I’ve got it sorted. Thoughts below.

    Prize Round: out of both posts, my favourite entries are

    1. Favourite Entry (3 points)

    Harvey Jerkwater SEVENTH SON

    2. Second-Favourite Entry (2 points)

    Matthew E Phosphorescent Beetles

    3. Third-Favourite Entry (1 point)

    Kieran HyperSpace

    “Swing” Round: out of both posts, my favourite additional submissions by an entrant are:

    1. Favourite Additional Entry (3 points)

    sean witzke I Love You, Venus No.17

    2. Second-Favourite Additional Entry (2 points)

    Justin LIGHTHOUSE

    3. Third-Favourite Additional Entry (1 point)

    Matthew E Tall Tales

    Supposing I get to subscribe to shows by the season, and I can afford three …

    Seventh Son, because it’s advertising mystery, and guarantees me my weirdness ration. But also because it’s plainly distancing itself from the genre cliches, and generating the mystery from concepts that have been heavily thought out; for a start, a strong strategic concept of terraforming.

    Beetles, because it sets up a vivacious, bustling community with a lot of different motivations bouncing things around. I’m persuaded I could like these people.

    HyperSpace is a gamble. I have a resistance to the idea of radical memes what take you over, I feel we’re all equipped with enough denial, boredom and rationalization that we chew ideas up and assimilate or reject them without a struggle. But I’ll take a chance on alien concepts which challenge your sanity; it reminds me of paranoid SF stories of my youth. It’s not that this is happening in hyperspace, so much as in the space of all things you could possibly believe.

    Okay, six …

    Venus No.17 because, gleeful transgressions, uncanny valley, personhood is cut-and-paste but celebrity is techno-transcendent. It’s got the Hitchhikers’ Guide thing.

    Lighthouse grew on me, because of the celestial mechanics. At first I thought, thirty Astronomical Units of Jupiter orbit to defend against and one station to handle it? Come on. But there is actually a pass to defend, and that’s the Lagrange balance point between Jupiter and the Sun. Almost any orbit, once you’re on it, it takes enormous thrust to go anywhere else. But slide a mass to the balance point, and a relatively small push can divert it into any number of orbits. Place a military post there, and you can play Dr Strangelove.

    And Matthew’s Tall Tales because I want one for the kids, and space opera needs something just like it.

  2. Okay, think I got this right

    Prize round:

    1. Matthew’s Tall Tales.
    2. Jonathon’s Space Basketball
    3. Justin’s The Whale

    Swing Round:

    1. Harvey Jerkwater’s Seventh Son
    2. Justin’s Lighthouse
    3. Matthew’s Phosphorescent Beetles

    The second choices kinda fell into place, but picking a top 3 out of all of them was dead hard, tall tales and seventh son appeal to me because they’re very un-space opera-y in a way that should work well on tv, while maintaining the strange events on a huge scale hook.

    Light house, phosphorescent beetles and basketball are kinda the opposite, avoiding that huge scale cliche to take a really believable look at certain social conditions in the future, which is nice, they all have great story potential.

    The Whale is a traditional space opera hook, but it’s one I’m very fond of, and I love the factions.

  3. OK … let’s see.

    Prize Round

    1. Phosphorescent Beetles by Matthew
    2. The Lighthouse by Justin
    3. Mind Traders Of The Milky Way by Kieran

    Swing round

    1. I Love You, Venus No. 17 by Sean Witzke
    2. The Whale by Justin
    3. Silk Road by Harvey

    Oh … and my favorite sandwich is salami and cheese with mustard (on the salami side, not the cheese) on french bread.

  4. Sausage, bacon and egg, with cheese, for me. No sauce.

    (Sorry for the lack of replies to your stuff recently, but didn’t look at a non-politics site for weeks…)

  5. I can’t wait to give my votes! And I’m extremely pleased that the chauvinistic show-driving idea “Space Is Canadian” is so popular…even though I feel a bit guilty for being pleased by it, too, because our national mythology’s every bit as insulating as that of the States, the UK, the Netherlands, Russia, etc…all countries are alike in this way, of course.

    Then again, I comfort myself with the knowledge that there really are “national identities”, too! And that Matthew’s science-fictional espousal of the “mosaic” is as valid as any SF espousal of “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness”…I mean these are good ideals anywhere you happen to find them, aren’t they? As ideals they are extremely good…

    By the way, Jonathan, LOVE that “lowest-energy plot” solution to a space-policing idea! Of course: in space, politics ride on the back of the relationship between gravity, and reaction mass. That’s what makes “money”, out there!

    Also, everybody: yeah, “Tall Tales”, that’s what it’s called, obviously.

    It wouldn’t’ve been complete without Matthew tossing off one he thought was junk, and then everybody else finding a cool and appropriate name for it because they thought it was so neat and tidy…!

  6. My final voting – Pillock, I can sleep easily with these choices:

    FIRST ROUND:

    1. Phosphorescent Beetles — Matthew
    2. Zerojidu — Jonathan
    3. Mind Traders Of The Milky Way by Kieran

    SECOND ROUND:

    1. Titan — Jonathan
    2. Tall Tales — Matthew
    3. Seventh Son — Harvey

    There isn’t actually a lot of space fiction that I read or watch on TV – original Star Trek, Red Dwarf (the first two season above all) and Cowboy Bebop are all I really love, plus three Star Wars movies, Christmas on Mars and Flash Gordon.

    All the entries I voted for seem to me not to be about space (well, maybe Phosophorescent Beetles, but I could also argue the other way) but about things that happen WHILE IN space, if that makes any sense. In any event, they’d all get me to forgo my usual suspicions (which I am not proud of) of things that have spaceships in them.

    Also: special thanks to Jonathan for finding some sort of plausible scientific rationale for Lighthouse that did not previously exist.

  7. A word about my main criterion in these choices. Plok said the underlying conceit here was to create a space-themed tv show, so I was looking at how well these ideas would work under the limitations of television. Not the technical limitations people might assume — budget or special effects or anything like that — but narrative limitations. Like, you can’t establish a thousand years of backstory by asking viewers to sit through thirty minutes of expository narration before the show starts. Or like, a series needs to be flexible enough that the story could evolve as you get new ideas or change quickly as you lose cast members, without everything falling to pieces. I may not know much about art, but I know how much television I’ve watched over the years. These are the ones that really seemed like they could work, week after week, while still being really smart.

    Prize Round:

    1. Zerojido – Jonathan
    2. The Whale – Justin
    3. Dark Matter – Mike

    Swing Round:

    1. Tall Tales – Matthew
    2. Seventh Son – Harvey
    3. Lighthouse – Justin

    Also, can someone tell me if the “RAB mystery package” is actually corned beef, pastrami and coleslaw on rye?

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