Dear American Internet Friends

Snf…hold on a sec…musta got somethin’ in my eye…s’nuthin’, never mind…

Jesus Christ, you guys, that was practically some Captain Kirk speechin’ right there. Wow. Pretty incredible. I think I actually do believe, you know?

Wow.

I honestly don’t know how you do it. Every time you’ve got us about as pissed at you and as cynical about you as it’s possible to be…

Then you go and do that goddamn “rising to the occasion” thing.

America, you really knock me out sometimes.

And you have made a humble nation of thirty million people very proud and hopeful tonight. Also, what a speech, eh? I think that was the best speech by a politician I’ve ever seen with my own two eyes…

…But aw, g’wan, why don’t I quit my yappin’, and let’s open the dang champagne already. Because it’s a damn fine job you’ve done here today.

A DAMN FINE JOB.

Well-voted, friends. My money was totally riding on you, by the way.

I knew you could do it.

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5 responses to “Dear American Internet Friends

  1. Thanks, Pillock. :-)

    It’s true that the USA has always been capable of making spectacular mistakes and tremendous blunders. However, thanks mostly to the ideals written into our Constitution, we always work hard to correct our mistakes and make necessary changes — maybe not as quickly as we should, but we get there eventually.

    Apologies to all of our foreign friends and neighbors that we’ve pissed off over the years. We always mean well, even though we DO act like dumbasses all too often. Please be assured that, in the long run, we always strive to do better. We can’t help it. It’s hard-wired into us.

  2. Oh, Sea, we don’t need you to apologize. We need you to, you know, fix it…I mean, fix it so American citizens can’t be arbitrarily spied on by their own government for Nixonian reasons…but as long as you do that you’re doing as good as anyone, and better than most.

    I studied the U.S. Constitution when I was in university, by the way — a fascinating document, definitely the coolest totem pole I’ve ever seen.

    Congratulations again.

  3. Obama even mentioned me in the speech. “And to all those watching tonight from beyond our shores, from parliaments and palaces, to those who are huddled around radios in the forgotten corners of the world, our stories are singular, but our destiny is shared, and a new dawn of American leadership is at hand.” I don’t know if the 905 area code is exactly forgotten, but other than that…

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