A Message From Mayor Tommy Shanks

Otherwise known as Stephen Harper.

Seriously, has there ever been a less avuncular political candidate?

You know, I do believe I’m just about sick of ol’ Steve promoting himself as an expert in fields he has no expertise in. These blue-sky ads about how the Canadian electorate should think about climate change and gas-guzzling, or about how “soft on crime doesn’t work” (at last, the answer to it all, finally revealed!), or about how the Parliament he played his puerile games with “wasn’t functioning”…

Can you feel the contempt for your intelligence, Canada?

I’ve been watching de facto election ads for months. I’ve been listening to this guy LIE about shit — and lie so badly, so transparently! — for what seems like a fucking eternity. I’ve never seen a politician who shed such a reek of entitlement everywhere he goes…and I remember Trudeau. What’s with all this weird social engineering crap? I mean I guess we all know the guy’s embraced American-style politics, but can he not stop short of copping a feel off of them? The smugness in this guy’s face, the horror of it is that it’s so easily interpreted, you know? It’s so recognizable.

He thinks we’re sheep.

He thinks we’re sheep!

Stuffed sheep, to be precise. Any minute now he’s gonna throw a milk bone at us. Throw it right at our faces.

Welcome to Melonville. Christ, talk about a wrong turn.

Time to back up off of this direction, I think.


One response to “A Message From Mayor Tommy Shanks

  1. Also, just since it’s coming up on Thursday — if I were Joe Biden, I would refuse to debate Sarah Palin on her terms. Just say “nope, sorry, like my friend John McCain, phoning it in isn’t my style. You wanna debate, let’s debate…otherwise I can make a campaign speech anywhere, and so can you.”

    People like me, who aren’t in politics, always have these little “lay down the law” gamechanger ideas…and political folk, if they hear them, wince and say “uh…sure, how great, you’re a genius, where’s the door?” Nevertheless: that’s what I’d do.

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