Saw O.J. Play

This was during the O.J. trial:  a station in Seattle was interviewing people on the street (!) about whether they thought O.J. was guilty or innocent.  One fool stepped up to the camera to give his opinion…and underneath him this legend shimmered into view:

“Saw O.J. Play”

That’s it in a nutshell, really, isn’t it?  What passes for news these days.  Why on Feb. 29th of this year I saw a news story that uncovered the fact that the play Pirates Of Penzance exists.  No, really, I swear to you!  It exists!

Weird, wild stuff!

Feh.

I remember when the Kobe earthquake hit Japan a few years ago (remember, people died?), stations in Vancouver took it upon themselves to interview the man in the street in a similar fashion:

“When do you think the Big One’s coming?”

From my spot in front of the TV, I answered for myself:  “not soon enough, I’m guessing.”

Oh, narcissistic Vancouver.  So jealous of other people’s tragic disasters.  “Look at us, world!  We’re important too!”

I thought that was bad.

But obviously I’m too old to understand the virtues of the new, proactive news.  “Now invading the Iraq of your imagination twenty times a minute!  If you would like to pay by credit card press 1, now!”

A friend of mine told me the other day, he’d been listening to the radio (sports radio, actually), and the announcer had said that they (“they”) were predicting a pretty big earthquake in Vancouver over the next few days.  So, y’know…watch out.

To which I replied:

HOLY SHIT THAT IS THE GODDAMNDEST STUPID-ASS PIG-IGNORANT MOTHERFUCKING THING I HAVE EVER HEARD A PERSON SAY!  FUCK THOSE GUYS, WHOEVER THE FUCK THEY ARE!  WHAT BULLSHIT!  MAY THEY ALL ROT IN HELL!

I hope you will pardon my, uh…my French.

The point is:  no one now living can predict an earthquake.

No;  not even sports jocks.

I know!  They’re so good at predictions, usually!

You know, pretty soon I may have to give you a bit of a punch in the mouth, Vancouver.  You’re really starting to piss me off, lately.

By the way, I heard they used real mammoths in that 10,000 B.C. movie.

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6 responses to “Saw O.J. Play

  1. Interestingly, scientists have an incredible record when it comes to predicting earthquakes. The computer models scientists have for aftershocks of major quakes is amazingly accurate, so once a “big one” hits, they do in fact know when all the subsequent smaller ones will hit and where. They’ve got this one down really well.

    As for predicting the major quakes, if they just perpetually say, “There won’t be a major quake today,” they’re going to be right more often than not. Statistically, earthquake predictors have a great day-to-day track record.

    Of course, when they get that part wrong, they tend to get it phenomenally wrong.

  2. Your really starting to erode my starry-eyed view of Canada, Vancouver most especially, as the friendly, flowery, free health-cared, crystal-buildinged place to run off to when all goes to shit down here. Cut it out.

  3. Yeah, they’re getting out of that business up here, too. I could tell you stories.

    Also, high-school teachers won’t accept handwritten work from students anymore, claiming it’s too much work wrestling with penmanship. They now insist on TYPEWRITTEN or BLOCK PRINTING homework only!

    I think it’s the end of civilization.

    So, yes: we’ve definitely got our problems.

    Still got universal health-care, though. Although most of our current governments would really, really like to get rid of it. They keep thinking they can, that’s the problem…

    You know the odds are your new President is going to be to the left of our Prime Minister? I never thought this day would come…

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