A Message Sent To No One

Or as I call them: the Liberal Party of Canada.

Listen up, Liberal Party of Canada.

I hate the Harper Conservatives like nobody’s business. I think they’re bad for the country, and bad for the world. And worse even than that: they’ve made every day a potential election.

I have to watch their fucking election-style ads, even when an election hasn’t been called.

So it’s really just like an election, except I don’t get to say: okay I vote, now fucking SHUT UP.

And you’re responsible for that. You: the gutless Liberal Party of Canada.

I understand you want to win. I want you to win. But I just want you to know three things.

One, I despise with all my soul the Harper Conservatives. “Conservatives” — that’s a joke. They’re semi-professional WASTERS. They’re not Conservatives at all. They’re vandals. They’re the people that the next President of the United States, whoever that may be, will be far to the left of.

That’s embarrassing shit.

Two, if you force an election, I will vote for you. I don’t care if you win. I want an election, because I hate the way our (ugh) Government does business in Parliament. And they’re daring you — they’re daring me! — to sit through another election. Well, bring it on.

No, seriously Liberal Party of Canada — bring it on.

Oh, you don’t want to bring it on? Not just yet? Tell you what, I get that. I don’t like it, but I get it. You’re waiting until you can be reasonably sure you’ll win it, before you make it happen. Of course if you bring it on now, and lose, you’ll still have my vote, forever.

But you have to remember, I hate these guys.

And therefore if you delay, if you keep approving shit by them out of strategy, if you delay and delay and delay…

I’ll vote for you…

If you call it today, I’ll vote for you forever and forever, as the best chance to beat those bastards. And (or is it “but”?) if you wait, and wait, and wait, and don’t take a stand, just so you can position yourselves to beat them…

I’ll vote for you…

But Three: GOD HELP YOU IF YOU DON’T WIN THEN, AND WIN BIG. Because if you waste my life by waiting, and then you don’t win…

You’ll lose my vote.

Because right now in a Conservative minority you do nothing for me. You’re doing nothing for me. And I loathe and despise and abominate these people.

And if you don’t win…

I’d be way better off voting for Old Beady-Eyes. You know who I mean. Jack Layton. NDP.

Because you’re seriously doing nothing. Stephen Harper’s right, you’re not the Opposition right now. You don’t know how to oppose. You’re the weakest fucking tea of an Opposition party I’ve ever seen.

Oppose for real; get my vote forever. These are trying, desperate, worrisome times, and I need someone in my corner that I can count on to do the right thing.

Oppose only as strategy; I give you ONE FUCKING CHANCE TO DO IT RIGHT!

And then I’m voting NDP.

This country’s in a terrible state, and every day that it gets worse is your fault. YOUR FAULT!

I want an election. I want it now. Don’t ask me to wait. Don’t make me wait.

But if you make me wait anyway…I’m telling you.

Fucking WIN!

Or lose my vote.

I’m dead serious.

Dead fucking serious.

These aren’t your ordinary fucking STUPID Ottawa games. These are real people out here, who in a year or less will be getting fucked, not just fucked but ROYALLY fucked. Harper makes Mulroney look like the friend of the fucking poor. He makes Chretien look like a diplomat. These guys are bad.

Fucking do something.

This is your only warning. Take it to heart.

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2 responses to “A Message Sent To No One

  1. Well, I’ve been potentially in love with your wife ever since you disclosed to me the “Jesus, why doesn’t she just use sarin?” line…so look out, Matthew!

    Seriously, I barely know where to begin with this political situation we’re in now — I could barely stammer out this post, really. Because what isn’t wrong with this Parliament? The Liberals are radiating extreme political naivete in a way that I just! Don’t! Understand!…can they really think this pushover posture of theirs isn’t just giving Harper’s Hayseeds more ammunition for the election to come? And yet look at the ammunition the Liberals have got themselves, if they only chose to get off their asses and use it: Chuck Cadman, the position on extradition and the death penalty (!), Canada’s declining international reputation…just give me these things, just these things alone, and I could make one of the most withering stump speeches this country’s ever seen.

    But no, the Liberals just sit on their hands. Biding their time, blissfully ignorant of the fact that it’s passing them by. It’s as though they don’t even know that they’re gambling with the country’s fortunes.

    Gah. Have to stop writing now before I spend all day talking about this. I’d never come to the end of it.

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