Let’s say I ignore the astonishing repulsivity of Matthew Perry’s character…fucking run, Harriet! You astonishingly useless plot object, don’t you have enough goddamn sense at least to run?
Actually, screw you, you weak-kneed doormat stereotype…I would say that on the day you marry that horrifyingly disgustingly misogynist Matt character I’ll stand up and protest it for you…but that would be a lie, because only actual women deserve such loyalty. Sarah Pauley, I got nothing against you, you’re great. But your character is papier-mache, covered in milk, dipped in coconut, and a lie.
And I hate her.
Because she’s got no fucking self-respect.
Matthew Perry, as for you, your acting ability has run out of time to overcome your scripts: I despise your puerile, narcissistic bitch of a character now, and honestly you, and he, can both kiss my ass at this point. It is not my fault that your character is a near-psychopathic asshole, and I don’t care what kind of gravitas you bring to his poor, withered, unlovable soul…I’ve had enough.
Because as long as your character stands next to D.L. Hughley’s loathsome power-tripping racist motherfucker…man, that’s it. D.L., what happened, man? I liked the serial killer in Se7en more than I like you now. Do you suck? Jesus Christ, “suck” doesn’t even begin to describe it…your character is a goddamn monster. That douche needs to spend some time in a jail cell with a hungry anaconda. I fucking HATE HIM. He is SCUM.
I swear, never before have I wanted to punch a character on a show, or the actor who plays him, in the face. I totally do now, though. That was offensive. That was as bad as anything I’ve done on the worst day of my life, times ten. That was disgusting.
So congratulations, dick. And by dick I mean Aaron Sorkin. I honestly just Do! Not! Know! How! You! Do! It!
But by God, if you do it again…I’m not even going to make fun of you. I’m just going to leave. That was fucking gross. You’re a prick.
Kiss my ass.